I've been thinking a lot in the past 72 hours.
Monday night my mother had a heart attack.
She survived it, but remains in intensive care.
I went tonight after work (yes I am working again, more on that in a future post) to see her and I climbed in the bed with her and lie there, just talking to her.
I told her about my day, about my plans, about my friends. I told her many things that had been hard for me to say to her before and she was very clear-headed and she listened to me. She looks better than she has in weeks.
But in case anyone is reading this, it's why I haven't posted in a few days.
It's exhausting to deal with all this and really depressing to see how the elderly are discounted in this country. After leaving Momma back in intensive care, I was waiting for the elevator and I struck up a conversation with a man in a white lab coat who had silver insignia bars on his lapels. I asked him about them and he told me he was an army nurse. I suggested that he was probably glad to be in the US and not in Iraq or Afghanistan. No he replied, he'd prefer to be back there, with his guys. I wasn't surprised, this is a common sentiment amoung the military to want to get back to their unit. The bonds are very strong. He then elaborated, telling me that he felt he was doing more good overseas, tending to the wounded there. He was helping his "guys". I nodded, I could relate to that. Then he said, "Because you know, here, it's mostly old people in hospital. And they've already lived their lives and had their chance." The elevator arrived and I got on. I thought to myself, he has no idea what he just said, but I had to admit his comment really hit me hard. This is how America views the elderly; as useless objects that take up space. Schrecklich.